You have what??

After being subjected to Bob Dole promoting Viagra and countless bald men spraying on "natural-looking" hair-in-a-can, I decided it was time to write the "Top 5 personal problem products you should not advertise on tv".

5. Incontinence
What do a traffic cop, a broadcast news reporter and a business woman have in common? Faulty bladders. Honestly, who came up with the catchy jingle, "Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now?"

4. Dandruff/dry scalp
While this has been a touchy subject for years, involving many unfortunate black-sweater/turtleneck incidents (good grief--start wearing another color already), I just saw the most disgusting dandruff commercial ever. A guy and a girl were sitting together, then the guy starts scratching his head and it* begins snowing. Finally, in a grand performance of "freedom from flakes", we find that using this shampoo allows the guy to run a broom handle up and down the back of his head, proving once and for all….I have no idea.

3. Bowel Disorders
Don't get me wrong. I love a good dose of toilet humor as much as the next gal. In fact, I have my own share of bowel disorders (just ask Danny). Fortunately, I have kept these two facts very far from each other. I find all the product options confusing and some are even life-threatening (according to paragraph 4 of this article).

2. Herpes
While I do believe it is unfortunate that some people have contracted herpes, I do not need to see them rock-climbing, road-tripping or dating in order to know that they can "still have normal lives". I don't think any of us thought that people with herpes were forced to live outside the camp and yell "unclean" when someone passes.

1. Erectile dysfunction/Male Enhancement
These commercials affect both sexes in the embarrassing department--yet no one wants to change the channel. Hmmm. In simultaneously one of the funniest and most disturbing ad campaigns, the male enhancement drug Enzyte is touted by a campy Bob, who apparently cannot live without bowling, golfing, or having an announcer who constantly uses over-the-top allusions to the male anatomy. If, however, you can't get enough of these commercials, read this guy's take.

*His head.
**I know, I conveniently left out the droves of female commercials. You have to admit, plugging a hole in a boat with a tampon is rather resourceful.

Funny stuff

Click to read the latest installment of Mister Language Person by Dave Barry.

The Passion of the Christ

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

I saw the Passion of the Christ last night. This will contain some spoilers and my opinion, so if you're like me and you prefer to form your own opinion before reading other people's, then stop reading now and see the movie. This post will still be here when you get back.

Read more »

New section

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

I've added a new section to the Cabin: "Stuff I Wrote." The link is on your left, just below the "About me" link. I posted my Lord of the Rings sermons and there's also another message from a few weeks ago. Let me know what you think.

It is finished!

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

I'm finally done preaching. All the preparation and then 3 sermon deliveries per Sunday really wears me out. Today is my day off and when I go back to work I plan on really getting started with the church web site, which I'll be developing with PostNuke, a free content management system (CMS).

Self-tuning guitar

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

If you're both tone-deaf and incredibly lazy, you can now get a self-tuning guitar. Actually, now that I've read a little more about it, they look pretty useful.

Books on my shelf that I will never read (again)

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

5. How Stella Got Her Groove Back    Terry McMillan
I think I read this in high school. It's a trashy paperback involving an older woman and her sexual escapades with a much younger man. Why I read this in high school I have no idea-although I do vaguely remember being the younger woman in one relationship. (There was much less pornography, I'll tell you that). My advice--forget that the book and the movie even exist.

4. Jane Eyre    Charlotte Bronte
Now before you go ballistic on me, hear me out. I can't stand period pieces, they are not my style. Nevertheless, at the urge of some female friends, I gave this book a chance, not once, but twice. Let's just say if I were the main character, Jane Eyre would be about 200 pages shorter. I'm not very good at being 'proper'.

3. Invisible Cities    Italo Calvino
This book was required reading in the same 'Intro to the Novel' class as Jane Eyre. The premise--a long and very confusing conversation between Kublai Khan and Marco Polo. Enough said.

2. Me? Obey Him?    Elizabeth Rice Handford
I was given this book as a Christmas present by someone who had never read it. I really appreciated the thought, but somehow, I don't think this book is for me. Maybe it has something to do with these words in the foreword, written by the author's husband: "The author works hard from morning until late at night to carry out her duties as wife, mother, author, Sunday school teacher, choir member, and counselor to many women on every kind of subject…I have seen strong-willed, nagging wives changed into sweet, submissive mates after counseling with the author." (This guy would hate to be married to me.) Or maybe it has something to do with the cover.

1. The Order of Things    Barbara Ann Kipfer
This was one of Danny's impulse buys from the Truman bookstore. It is 376 pages of lists, from the 6 types of accounting to the 10 types of beer measurements. Care to drink a firkin (9.8 gallons), anyone? How about a hogshead (63 gallons)?

A poem

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

All that is gold does not glitter,
not all who wander are lost,
the old that are strong do not wither,
deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
a light from the shadows shall spring,
renewed shall be blade that is broken,
the crownless again shall be king.

-Bilbo Baggins

Emma tells a story

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

Story.mp3

Here's a story Emma told me yesterday. I wonder if Tolstoy was this creative when he was 2.

The Holy Observer

This post was written before I became an atheist and does not represent my current views. You can find more up-to-date posts on religion in my faith/skepticism category.

If you like satire like The Onion, but think the Christian sub-culture should be made fun of, too, then you might enjoy reading The Holy Observer. I especially like last month's Guide to Christian Capitalization. If you are either a) easily offended, or b) a big fan of the Trinity Broadcasting Network, then you may want to steer clear of The Holy Observer. (Thanks to Matt S. for the link.)

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